Well, yesterday’s post was a bit harsh wasn’t it. I was all left-brained and argumentative, with not much room for anything mystical. I didn’t take kindly to the news that Reiki, which I had hoped to learn as I might try to learn any new skill, is a gift bestowed on the student by the Reiki master. That, to me, was a recipe for delusion.
So how did it go today?
I have to say I was a little more able to see people’s goodheartedness, and to give the whole thing a try despite my deep skepticism. It helped to remember my reason for taking the course was a couple of Reiki treatments that gave me profound healing and insight a few years ago. Sometimes things work even when I don’t think they should. Thank goodness the world does not revolve around my opinion of things or my concept of reality. Half the time I can’t even find my boots, coat or glasses. But after fifty years as my bumbling self, I do operate with a certain level of trust in my perceptions.
Some of the signposts I mentioned yesterday – touches of décor in the studio, music, bells – I overdosed on in my spiritual seeker phase, which came just before my homesteading phase which in turn preceeded a decade of hardship and disillusionment, leading to my current phase as novelist and flaneur about the streets of Montreal… so there’s no way I’m going backwards to the land of self-help books or gurus or any kind of church. I’ve had it with the lot. So how did I end up in the Reiki class?
I ended up there because my experience had taught me Reiki worked.
Yesterday I felt misgivings about this memory. Maybe, I thought on returning home last night, I was mistaken, deluded or just in a vulnerable time in my life.
But I went through today’s initiation and practice, and met some goodhearted souls. I even experienced Reiki light, colour, heat and energy through the laying on of hands. There is a 21-day period now where I’m supposed to practice Reiki and let this weekend’s course integrate with my life. I’ll give this a chance, because I believe the teacher was sincere and in spite of my distaste for churches and religion and spirituality of all kinds, I do pray, and I do have an inner life, and my experience is that there is more to so-called reality than what appears materially. What I would like to get out of the Reiki course is to become more fully human – to connect with and create an environment of unconditional love and acceptance for myself and for others around me, even some of the time.
Did you ever go back over your memories and isolate those times when you felt submerged in a river of unconditional acceptance? I can count those times on my hands, and the thing that characterizes them is that the people who created those environments did not “do” anything. They were not “nice” and they did not bend over backwards to create love. They just were. They were themselves, and everything around them – the garden, or the room, or whatever place it was – was filled with a peaceful aliveness, a happiness born of non-judgmental something… what is the word for this something? Not stillness or contentment – those words are too static. Isness. That’s the word.
If using Reiki energy can help me fill a space with non judgmental isness now and then, for a child, a friend, a family member, or for myself, then this weekend will have been worth it to me. Also, my diploma is beautiful. I feel funny about having a diploma for something about which I feel so skeptical, but that’s my isness for now.